Great expectations

Please read/act out the following sentence like you’re a professional Oprah impersonator: I’m going to PORTUGAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Yeah, eff this cold weather! I’m heading to a country with some agreeably lukewarm weather, holla! My expectations are possibly unreasonable but I anticipate that every guy under the age of 30 will be looking fiiiiiiiiine. I only hope my dreams won’t be crushed…

Oh I forgot to mention this earlier but I (temporarily) broke my bed. Who knew jumping on it like a immature little girl would have such consequences?? Following my third or forth victory jump, I heard a fracturing noise beneath my feet. I gave it a few more jumps before deciding to quit in fear of collapsing the bed’s foundation. But it seemed that at 4am my bed had all it could take. A pulsating crash broke the silence of the night, plummeting my motionless body the length of a few inches. And what’s worse, it disturbed my sleep. I laid there, eyes thrown up and breathing densely, trying to piece together why I was sinking into a vortex-like dent in my mattress. The next morning I chose to omit this vital detail to my host mother when she asked how I was doing. I thought it was for the best. When she thought I broke her washing machine, we didn’t hear that deafening spin cycle sound for a month! I can’t go that long without a bed, ok. That’s ridiculous.