Shorts and sandals of the nefarious sort

Tomorrow morning I will embark on a new and unexpected adventure: a family-friendly cruise. I will spend a week on a Disney crackpot vessel that encourages—nay, thrives off of the cheesy, corny lifestyles of Americans. I would describe myself to a complete stranger and without the need of this contextual support as the antithesis of a cruise. Yes, I’m pale and cynical for a reason! That being said, it will be nice to spend some time with my family as we all burn together and seek shade under an artificial palm tree. Ah, family bonding. If I survive this, I can survive anything!

It's the thought that counts

To prove to you all that I’m no Scrooge, I would like to say, quite politically incorrect and therefore all the more trendy, Merry Christmas, fools!

No apologies, only acceptance

Ok sooo bitterness is definitely the worst feeling evahhhh! Clearly, even after a year, I still can’t accept the incompetence of the unsuitable, unprofessionalllllllll French education system. Ugh, there I go again! There’s a strong likelihood that I’m going to be one of those cynical, old women with a wacky style and a flare for the peculiar.

I mean this in the most offensive way possible...

May this day forever go down in history as my last day of French, the language of hypocritical, mediocre FOOLS whose breath reeks of allllllll the shiz they push past their jagged, unhygienic teeth and thin, nicotine-splintered lips. Yes, I said it! And I’d say it in French, too! But I don’t feel like translating… So eff that!