I am determined to carry on! Nothing but laziness can stop me. In the past it may have taken the best of me but no more, I say!
Now, as I was saying in my mind… Awkwardness fervently follows me everywhereeeee. Now, people have told me before that I inexplicably end up in these situations where the method of torture is uncontrollable awkwardness. I could not agree more! I came to this conclusion after witnessing a rare, inconceivably embarrassing incident in which I acted only as a spectator—for once. Last week after class my friend spoke of fatigue and hunger, both sufferings will inevitably lead to your sympathies. As we shuffled out of class trying to escape the mind numbing sensation, my friend turned the corner on an unusual substance which then caused her to slide down to the floor in a mere second without a clear memory of how she ended up there. ‘Twas TUNA SALAD! Yes, the food that has kept me half alive—I’m sure the high levels of mercury negate any benefits of protein intake—these past three years at college was the reason for my friend’s upright demise. She recovered quickly but the smears of the old, musty tuna on the right side of her body could not hide her shame. With our entire class behind us trying to comprehend the odds of slipping on tuna salad, I tried unsuccessfully to reassure my friend that no one had seen what had taken place and therefore, I assured her with such arrogant fallacy, by the laws of twisted physics it never happened. I repeat: IT. NEVER. HAPPENED.
Outrageous denial is how I live my life.
