OMG! Finallyyyyy! Ok, it took long enough but I was finally able to give a bountiful amount of sarcasm in French the other day. It was amazing! Normally, when I attempt to speak French, it sounds like I’m the stuttering kid in Billy Madison (click here!!!!!!). But this time, I was blessed with the perfect opportunity to flatter myself naturally with arrogance and conceit all because I gave what every indolent French worker audaciously demands: exact change. Don’t even get me started on how many eye rolls I’ve received because I didn’t have the suitable amount of centièmes. Whutevaaa, I’m not there to make your jobs easier, I’m just there to buy my chocolate and seltzer. Yeah, check that attitude and just give me my change so I can be on my way, ok. Ugh, I promised myself I wouldn’t get worked up about this. I digress... Basically, after seeing the price, I checked my wallet and proceeded to smile like I had omnipotent power over the entire French people, which I generally believe I do. So I looked directly at the squirrelly cashier, tossed him the change as if to say, “Here kid, go do something with your life,” but I did so with just enough attitude to imply that the €4,40 in centièmes wouldn’t carry him far, so, you know, he betta have a plan B. A vivacious hue swept over his face which then achingly crooked a smile, drawing attention to those neglected muscles. I made this man’s day because the prospect of doing minimal work for the French is like Christmas morning. “C’est parfait! Ohhhhh formidable,” he squealed. I returned his excitement with a nonchalant wave of the hand and immodestly said, “Ouais, c’est parfait à cause de moi.” I reassured him that while his compliments of me were well deserved, they weren’t anything I didn’t already know. I walked away with the glimpse of him physically stunned by my abrupt egotistical character.
I’m conceited, I got a reason!
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